Oct 23, 2011

A letter to Janey.

A little background here:  When Gina died, a very sweet daughter of a dear friend wanted to cheer me up, so she made me some things.  Her mama, however, is baaaad about mailing things on time (not that I share that trait *averts eyes*), and I just got it yesterday.  I'm going to keep a few details private just to keep the girlie safe, but anyone who knows me well is going to know who this precious kid belongs to. If you don't know me that well, just enjoy the utter sweetness of this gift and know that someone out there is raising a good, kind girl.

Dear Janey,
I got your mail yesterday and thank you so much! It sure took your mom long enough to mail it, didn't it?  ;-)  I was thinking about Gina yesterday and missing her, so your gifts came at such a good time and made me very happy!  I loved your letter and am glad you liked your Hello Kitty stuff and your dancing flower. I have one in my window, too, see?  Every time I saw mine, I thought about y'all and that you'd like them, too. Glad I was right!

 The picture you drew was excellent!  It actually looks a lot like Gina did.  :-)

Your letter just made my day!  You write very well, by the way...lol, about as good as Jake and he's 20!

But I have to tell you, I LOVE my magnet best.  
A kitty in a heart with angel wings...how perfect is that to remember Gina by? It's just beautiful!

I took a picture of my fridge to show you I have many magnets and stuff all over it, but decided yours needs to be right out in front.  Your letter is under your picture so I won't lose it.  :-)

I just can't thank you enough to doing something so nice for me and hope you don't mind that I've shared it with everyone here so they can see, too. I also hope you don't mind that I snagged a picture of you to add on so everyone can see the sweet girl who did such a thoughtful thing. I hope I get to meet you in person some day and give you a big hug!
Isn't she beautiful?


Oct 2, 2011

Raising Jake.

Some background you should know...I've caught hell from my family for how I've raised Jake since he was born.  From not vaccinating (he is now, so spare me the silly emails), to unschooling and then homeschooling, to teaching him to not base his choice of who he loves on a set of genitalia, but rather on a person who treats him like he's the best thing ever and who makes him laugh, feel special and feel safe and who inspires him to feel the same....yeah, I've caught a lot of flack. But, the fact is, I knew early on he was different.  No, not brighter or "gifted", I've never been one of *those moms because every kid is bright or gifted in their own way...no, I've just chosen to embrace his oddities instead of trying to pretend they don't exist.  He's 20 now, and I'd not change a bit of that. I won't ever have a kid with some big title or retirement plan, but I've got a kid who knows he's free to dream as long as he works hard to make those dreams real and you know what?  I'm happy with that.

Tonight, this morning, whatever you want to call it, at this very moment, Jake is at the Vampire Ball, performing his original music.  He's been swarmed by fans (lol, albeit it probably less than 100), had many photos taken and is signing autographs.  He's living his dream, even in small form. Would I love him to go to college or do something to further his education someday?  Of course I would, but not now.  Not at the sacrifice of what he's having tonight.  There's time for that later but this?  Won't wait. How many of us can really, honestly, say we've lived the dream we had at his age?  I can't. My parents insisted I be more practical and I gave up my dreams but swore to myself I'd never do that to my kids.  "They" say we always want better for our kids than we had and I do...I want him to have nights like tonight and am so very, very proud of him that he's worked hard enough to have even this much.

Someday, when he's older and has more responsibilities in life, I hope he can look back on tonight and feel good about himself.  I hope he can not have resentment toward me or what he feels he could have been, had he just had the support. I hope the rest of our family can someday, somehow, realize that for *him, I'm doing the right thing in not forcing college or (God help me, *never) the military on him.  I want him more for Jake; I want him to have no regrets. I want him to live his dream.

Lol, he looks scary tonight, hmmm?  This is not the kid in blue velour pajama pants I usually have running around the house drinking apple cider vinegar in apple juice because he's read it's healthy, playing with the cats and watching Dancing With The Stars with me (he's rooting for David Arquette)...looks can certainly be deceiving, can't they?  Yet, it is the same person. I hope people read this, see him, and realize that.

I'm so, so proud of him right now.  Always.  And I have no regrets about how I've raised him, even if it's hasn't been "normal" and even if he's not what's considered to be "normal".  More power to us both for flipping off "normal" and being *real.  And mostly, let's just hope he keeps an eye on his drinks tonight.  Argh!

** Edited this morning to add:  Welllllp, he learned a harsh lesson about following dreams last night.  After all that, the venue had scheduling issues and several performers, Jake being one, didn't get to perform.  He's so upset and I am for him, but it's still a good lesson. He might even appreciate what he *did get to experience in, oh, 20 years.  ;-) **