Nov 29, 2009

The lesbian's guide to having pretty balls for Christmas.

I decided to try to snap myself out of the "oh, pitiful me" funk I'm in (probably due to my birthday) and nothing makes me happier than a good 5th grade craft project.  I decided to focus on Christmas and happened to think about something my mom made a few years ago after seeing them at a craft fair. Hey, that was all the incentive I needed. I hit Walmart and picked up the supplies I thought I'd need to make these balls. Some of the stuff, like a drill and bits and a stapler, I already had. Here's what I thought I needed...I chose blue lights with white wire since I planned on hanging these outside if they work, and I decorate in blue lights. Any color ought to work and I'm thinking any color of transparent cups should work, too, but I'd use clear lights if I used colored cups. Without further ado, here's my starting plan:

I figured out quickly that a fat-assed drill bit is needed. At least bigger than I originally thought. After a few false starts, I
found that a 3/8" bit was good but if you happen to have a 1/2" one, that would be good, too. I had to do a little forcing with a 3/8" hole, even though it did work. See, I got a light in the drilled hole and if you buy a set of 100 lights, you'll need to get 2 in that hole. 3/8" still works and probably gives a better hold than 1/2" would but yeah, either will work. You'll have to drill through 50 of these cups for a full ball or 25 for a half ball to hang against a wall. I did these one by one in my dining room, risking a new and unintended piercing in my hand each time. I live life on the edge like that. If you have some scrap wood, you could stack a load of cups on the wood and drill through them all at once to save on time and fear. A lesson learned through my own pathetic lack of math skills: If you are doing a 1/2 ball, use a strand of 50 lights (two in each hole). I don't want to discuss that further. Just know your lights need to go as shown in the picture below, only 2 per hole.

Once you've confirmed you can fit the lights in, put the lights aside for now. We need to build this damn thing. I used staples. If you have a better way of attaching two plastic cups together, by all means try it. Have a stapler and staples handy, since I think you'll probably resort to them in the end. Put the cups together with sides touching all the way down, stapling once or twice as shown below, to attach. The sides must touch in order to achieve the round shape needed to make a ball. Goddamn, my hand looks like something out of a Japanese horror movie. Sorry about that. Anyway, staple the cups (minus lights) together.

They need to form a circle like this:

Ruh-roh...learn from my mistake. Do *not staple the cups together while holding them upright in your ugly-looking hand, as I did. As you can see below, it causes them to be un-level and trust me, this will throw the whole project off. See?

It causes a person to have to pick out many, many staples. This is annoying.

So, (re)staple the cups as they lay flat on a table and once you have a connected, stapled base circle, begin adding another layer of cups on top, matching edges but staggering cups. Lay them as shown below, with each new cup on top of the connection of two cups below. Brick style, I guess it would be. Staple accordingly.

Your third level will consist of 4 cups. You have to work with these a little and some slight force may be necessary to make them fit. They won't fit perfectly, no matter how frustrated you get and no matter how many times you mutter "motherfucker." Trust me. Get them in the best you can and staple them before they make you cuss more. Now, repeat this whole painful procedure on a second ball half, since it will take both halves to make make one ball. If you want only one half ball to hang against a flat surface, then move on to inserting the string of 50 lights you have.

As if this project couldn't get more annoying, we're going to install the lights now. Start with the female end and in the center of one half (it's really important to start in the center, I found out the hard way), begin gently forcing 2 bulbs through each hole working to the outside set of cups in a clockwise manner. If you're going to use this outside, you might feel better sealing up the female end of the plug with electrical tape and you definitely need to end up on one of the outside cups of the ball half.

Here's where I really fail in my instructions. I could not get a decent shot of what I need you to do next so I'll try to keep it simple and will hope it makes sense...much like how it is when I try to explain why I ever got married. Anyway, take your other ball half that has no lights in it and grab the male end of your light strand. Starting with the light closest to the male plug, begin doing the exact thing again, inserting 2 lights, one at a time, into each hole beginning in center of the ball and working clockwise outward. As you reach the last outside cups to fill with lights, you will have been working toward the middle of the strand and the first half of the light ball will be being pulled closer to you. As a result, your very last two lights will be a pain in the ass to insert. Once they are in, the worst is over and you can staple the two halves together, as shown below. Make sure the male plug is hanging out, though, since this is how you'll plug it in. Really, it's a lot like people, as I think of it.

I suck at pictures in the dark, but here's a bad shot of my finished project. These things are amazingly pretty at night, no matter what colors you use. They're also a cute addition to a teen's room or a patio area for year-around use. With money as tight as it is for everyone these days, this was a $6 project that I think rivals the $20+ light up ornaments sold in stores. They'll be cheaper yet if you do half balls and can get 2 light-up ornaments out of the deal, plus, it's a great family project.

It's really pathetic that it took me all damn day to figure these out and the fact I'm excited about a craft project that involves plastic cups is more than a little sad, too. However, I feel happy when I see them and I think they'll be pretty hanging outside, so pfffffttttt! Make some. You'll like 'em.

Nov 28, 2009

Whoring myself out on Facebook, Farm Town, etc.

Wanted:  Free Facebook friends and Farm Town neighbors.  Must be sane-ish and willing to tell me how you found my blog if you don't know the secret handshake so that I know you aren't some weird creep who just wants to watch my farm.  It is fine for you to send me invites to other games and things - I might even accept - but please don't be pissy if I don't.  I've turned down requests from family for Mafia Wars and I love them more than you.  That's not to say I might not get a wild hair and play with you anyway, but you must promise to take no offense if I don't.  I'm not overly chatty, so no concerns on your part that I will be flooding your whatever-you-read-Facebook-with.  Mostly, I read what everyone is up to and  farm my new farm there.  FTR, I have two other farms you will never know about, but I'm no Farm Town virgin.  Obviously, I'm looking for a long-term commitment, but a one night stand is fine as long as you make me your FarmTown neighbor. Having a farm is not a requirement, though...I'll take friends, too, since I like people-watching.  :-)   Search my email:

Nov 25, 2009

I got tagged.

I got tagged by Erin so let's see what I can do here 

5 Things I was Doing 10 years Ago
1.  10 years ago come December 13, I was telling my husband I wanted a divorce and owning up to an affair.  So, 10 years ago tonight?  I was probably scared shitless.
2.  I was an unschooling mom and still support unschooling when "done" right.
3.  I was living in a house over twice the size of the one I live in now with the most gorgeous green marble floors ever.  I still miss the floors there.
4.  I was feeding our big old German Rottie, Ruger. He was a lovely dog and I don't even like dogs very much.
5.  I was wearing clothing in the single digits.

5 Things On My To-Do List Today
"1. Empty cat boxes. It has actually been on my list for a week. I love it so much, that I keep moving it to the bottom. NOW it is mandatory. And for those who wonder, NO, I can't get the boys to do it. They do SUCH a horrible job, I have to not only redo them, but clean the entire bathroom. I know they planned it that way, and let me tell worked."
This is actually on Erin's list and I'm cracking up since I could have written it myself and thought "oh, the litterboxes" the moment I read the question.  I'm just going with her answer here.
2.  Make the pumpkin trifle and deviled eggs for Thanksgiving.
3.  Empty all the dead annuals out of the pots and put silk flowers in until Spring.
4.  Go around the outside of the house with borax.
5.  Clean out the fridge.

5 Snacks I Love
1.  Chicken In A Biscuit crackers.
2.  Cold leftovers.
3.  Yogurt.
4.  Guacamole and most anything that will hold it.
5.  Tins of smoked oysters.

5 Things I Would Do If I Were A Millionaire:
1. Get a new roof.
2. Add a small, 5' deep (I hate deep water) enclosed pool out back.
3. Buy new cars...a Dodge Ram 4x4 quad cab for me and Dodge Nitros for my mom and Jake.
4. Buy a few investment homes in my neighborhood and rent them out at do-able rents to families who have fallen on hard times.
5. Donate to the local hospice that helped with my dad.

5 Jobs I’ve Had
1. Co-owned a trucking company.  Both hated and loved it.  Passionately.
2. Owned an employment agency.  This was fun, although not terribly lucrative.
3. Owned a painting (faux, decorative, murals) business.  Loved this.  Passionately. Poor money,  much glory.
4. Manager of a Nutri/System center.  Got in trouble for sleeping with my boss.  Long hours, free diet food, sucked at meeting sales goals personally, even though my center was always a top performer. I hire well.
5. Office manager/assistant to the CEO for a management company that took derelict properties and turned them into night clubs and supper clubs. Loved this job and quit only because they were relocating to South America and I didn't want to leave my folks that far behind.  Met Jake's dad here.  Bonus points, since I got my kid out of it.

I'm supposed to tag 5 people now...
Big Sky 
Tales of a Barmy Sandgroper

Nov 24, 2009


I figured I'd share something positive, to try to overcome some of the negativity I've been feeling.  As you may know by now, I'm a craigslist addict.  It's like people watching on the internet...such fun!  Very late last night I ran across an ad for a lost dog that was, weirdly, posted in the "wanted" section.  A bit later, I found an ad for a dog matching the description, and in the same area, in the lost and found section.  Figuring I got lucky, I emailed both parties, referencing the ads of the other.  Sure enough, I managed to reunite a lost Jack Russell terrier with its owner.  I don't even like JR terriers but this made me very, very happy.  Probably not as happy as it made the person who found the yappy little bastard, though.

Miss Arse has had a stomach virus that had me concerned for a couple of days.  At 81, anything can kill you.  She called me tonight to tell me she ate some scrambled eggs and toast and "didn't puke her guts up."   Well,

I am learning to let my son go.  I know, I know, that sounds weird to be a positive thing but we have an unusually close bond and it's been hard for me to accept that he is 18, an adult.  This trip he made to Ben's has been good for me.  I realize it's broken a lot of the mother/child bond and I'm okay-ish with him being grown and making his own decisions, even when I think that they are stupid decisions. It's on him now, at least to a great degree.  Some of the nervous, chest-twisting concern has let up because while I love him no less, I know it's out of my hands now.  I accept that he is like me and is going to have to royally fuck up a few times before he gets it all figured out.  The difference between me and my folks?  Will make all the difference in the world, I hope, since I accept this as part of his life and will not permanently judge him for it.

Lastly, I leave you with Huston Smith and more

Nov 17, 2009

Gobble gobble.

I know, I know...I've been neglecting my blog.  I'm in a funk.  Part of it is Jake being gone but I have come to realize I could adapt to him being gone for something good, like going away to college.  I'd miss him, yes, but I would be fine with it.  It's him being gone and doing something I don't approve of that is just wearing me out.  And that?  Caused me to apologize to Miss Arse this morning for everything I put her through at his age.  She?  Was her ever-gracious self and said it was about damn time I apologized.  I love her.  I hope I'm just like her if I make it to 81. I'm working on it...I went to Walmart today and got four of their 40-cent-a-pound turkeys at just shy of 15 pounds each.  This required two trips through the checkouts since they are limit two.  I figured two for my freezer and two for hers, one of which would be Thanksgiving dinner.  I think I am all devious, slipping into her utility room to put them in her freezer to surprise her...I open her freezer and there?  Are two turkeys.  I go get her, cracking up, and find out she's done *exactly the same thing at a different Walmart and that I, too, already have two turkeys in my freezer.  So, we now have close to 120 pounds of turkey between us.  That's just ridiculous so we're going to find a four people or families in the neighborhood who could use a little help and surprise them with a turkey and some basic trimmings.  We figure we'll drop everything on doorsteps around 5am the Monday before and run.  What fun...I've always wanted to do this!  But can someone help me and my bacteria-fearing ways?  Will a frozen turkey be okay at outside air temp (60-ish) for 2-3 hours?  I don't want them to be really thawed in case people want to put them back in a freezer and save them for Christmas.  Any thoughts or ideas?

Nov 12, 2009

Call me overly cautious...

...but I don't think I'm daring enough to use a laxative called "Berry Burst."  Because, really, what if it's not just a flavor? 

Nov 11, 2009

Happy Veterans Day

Thank you, especially to those who served in WWII or had family members who did.

My dad was so very proud of his service to this country and what it stood for.  And I'm still so very proud of him. 

Nov 9, 2009

More on abortion because it's just so darn thought-provoking.

So, here we are again.  We're back on this topic because in my daily, obsessive scouring of the news, I found this story.   Don't worry about the Fox News thing - I read news from many different sources, I swear.  Anyway, back to my's the story.  Man Accused of Shooting Kansas Abortion Doctor Confesses to Killing  This guy?  Is one I'd list as a hero.  Do I like the idea of killing someone?  Oh, hell, no.  But, I can say that I would kill in self defense and I would kill to protect an innocent, helpless baby from being killed.  Or an old person.  Wouldn't you?  Now, I know, I know...the big debate all centers around whether or not a fetus is a baby.  I say no, but that's just my own personal thought I figured I'd mention again.  I believe it enough, though,  that I think what Scott here did was misguided and wrong, no matter how genuinely he believes he was saving babies.  And make no mistake, this man genuinely believes he was saving babies from being killed.  So, ask yourself this - if (because we need a name) Joe killed some monster who was ripping apart a little newborn in a stroller, blood and little body parts flying, would you, in your heart, be okay if Joe shot that monster dead?  I would be.  And I'd stand up for Joe in a heartbeat, if anyone tried to arrest him for murder.  Wouldn't you?  I hope you would.  So, what's the difference in what our imaginary Joe did and what Scott in this article did?  I mean, after all, as I've said,  no one really knows when life begins...we can only guess and speculate.  Now, just to throw another thought into all this, Kansas, the state in which Scott shot the abortion doctor, has Alexa's Law to protect the unborn.  Alexa's Law states that "an unborn child, meaning a living individual organism of the species homo sapiens, in utero, at any stage of gestation from fertilization to birth, is defined as a 'person' and a 'human being' for the purposes of Kansas statutes against first degree murder, second degree murder, capital murder, voluntary manslaughter, involuntary manslaughter, vehicular homicide, and numerous battery offenses..."  So, if Kansas means this, if they *really believe this, why in the world is this man, Scott Roeder, being charged with murder?  At worst, shouldn't it be only a weapons charge if his gun isn't legal?  Or...and this is the big one, it just different for doctors to do the very same thing that some addict with a stolen gun might to do a pregnant woman in a home invasion, all because the doctor has a college degree and license to kill?  Does state law negate morals?  The Bible?  "Thou shalt not kill"...unless the government licensing bureau says it is okay?   Just something to perhaps, hopefully, make you go "hmmmmmm".  Kansas says those are babies.  By Kansas' own statute, their own legal definition, he killed someone who was killing babies and who, minus a license, would be charged with murder.  He put his own life on the line to save the very beings Kansas says it is murder to destroy.  He saved the very lives Kansas itself says are lives.  So, tell me, is he a hero, at least in Kansas?  Or not?   I still vote yes.

Nov 8, 2009


Be on the lookout - we have a leg missing!

 LOST: Baby's prosthetic leg

"A 19-month-old lost his prosthetic leg while he was out trick-or-treating on Halloween night. It is tan, and it looks like a baby's leg from about the knee down to the foot (it probably has a little shoe or sneaker on it)."

Now, really.  How does this happen and it not be noticed?

Nov 7, 2009

Dear Lacy,

You commented on my abortion post and I found your questions to be so darn interesting, I decided to devote an entire post to them so that everyone who comes across this can read and respond if they want to.

I've put your questions in italic red, Lacy, to emphasize how special they are.  I think either caffeine, alcohol, or leftover spaghetti will be required to attain comfort while muddling through it all for everyone else.

Love always,

May I ask how your son was conceived if you're a lesbian?

Sure.  Some faggot I know jacked off in a dixie cup and my girlfriend used a turkey baster on me.  Woot, good times!

Okay, that's a lie but wasn't it fun to read?  Far more truthfully, I was married to his father and we had Jake.  I married his father because I love him and yes, that's present tense love, even though we're divorced.  Oh, and both (natural) conception and birth occurred after the marriage.  Go figure, huh?  :-)

Leviticus 18:22 "Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman it is an abomination"

Thanks!  So, have you ever really researched the history of Leviticus 18:22, Lacy?  Or do you just read it, not care about the context, and run with it?  First off, if we're going to be literal and not worry over context, apparently the problem is only with gay men and not gay women.  *grins*  But I like understanding the entire history of a Bible quote.  Leviticus is part of The Old Testament and the Old Testament was God's instructions to Jews only.  A covenant between God and the state of Israel.  No one else.  Period.  That's sort of important, isn't it?   So, now we're down to it speaking only of gay Jewish men.  Oh, that's not going to work for you, is it?  Okay, let's look at more of the background of the Old Testament Leviticus, shall we?  At that time, women were considered property of men so for a man to lie with a man would be insulting to the man being laid. That was a problem. Not the homosexual act, but the insult of equating another man as being chattle. Oopsie-daisy.

Going back to the actual history of Leviticus, though, it was written by self-exiled Jews who came back to Israel and, as punishment, had to rebuild a temple for some king whose name is lost in my mind.  All well and fine, but these same Jews had also practiced pagan rites that the Canaanites did in the land they'd exiled themselves to prior to the temple-building.  So, in simple terms, Leviticus advocates pagan rituals receive death for certain acts.  It has nothing to do with homosexuality and everything to do with Jews taking part in pagan acts, which included straight people having ritual sex with members of their sex.  That's very, very different to homosexuality.  Did you know that in the Old Testament, too, people were also put to death for picking up sticks on the Sabbath.  I guess, at this point, the only question to ask you, Lacy, is this:  Are you saying pagan rituals prove what God wants?  'Cause that's a little bit worrisome for you and amusing for me.

Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman both them have done what is detestable. They be put to death"

Same as above.

"Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion".

Oh, better job, Lacy!  We're into the King James version now and that includes Gentiles, too.  Paul said this, you know.  Paul is a little bit of a nut, but that's alright, I can appreciate it.  ;-)  However, you do have to remember that the New Testament is comprised of letters from man to man, and doesn't pretend to be otherwise, doesn't pretend to be the word of God, except for Acts and the four Gospels, none of which contain this particular verse.  So, even the Bible owns this is a personal belief and not the word of God.  Still, I'll play along because I like you. See where it says "Because of this"?  Did you wonder to yourself, "Because of *what?" before you posted this?  You should have.  "This" refers to the fact that your quote is part of a letter Paul wrote to the church and in it, he is addressing pagan rituals.  The *heterosexual people were engaging in homosexual acts as part of the their lapse into pagan rituals. He is referring to straight people who are going against their nature here, not gay people going against their nature.  Bet you never knew that, did you?

1 Corinthians 6:9 "Do you not know the wicked will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters not adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexuals..."

Again, written by Paul to others, and not the word of God.  That aside, I still sort of like Paul but man, he had a fear of pagans, didn't he?  Anyway, Paul's words, untranslated, used the word "malakoi" to refer to what you are now calling gay people.  Did you know about this?  It's pretty cool.  In both Matthew (I'm pretty sure but could be wrong) and Luke, "malakoi" is also used to refer to cloth that is soft and pliable.  Accurate translations of the language at the time Paul wrote this point to the word actually meaning people who are soft, lazy, and cowardly, with no homosexual connotations at all.  The word "malakoi", which Paul used when he wrote this in his native tongue, far more accurately points to those guilty of of the seven deadly sins.  Only in modern times has it come to mean homosexuals.  Isn't that darn interesting?  Yeah, me too.  :-)

Lets not forget about Sodom and Gomorrah.

Well, no.  Never.  Those were some wild places, weren't they?  Of course, again, only in modern translation have they become about homosexuality.  In Biblical times, the problem with Sodom and Gomorrah wasn't homosexuality.  It was sin in general.  Have you ever read Ezekial?  It's cool, good readin'.  Ezekial 16:49 says "Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had arrogance, abundant food and careless ease, but she did not help the poor and needy."  Ezekial 16:50 says "Thus they were haughty and committed abominations before Me Therefore I removed them when I saw it."  Funny, homosexuality is never mentioned as a problem in Sodom here. Now, considering the pagan ritualistic roots, I'm the first to admit it was probably happening, as was rape, but never is it mentioned that it was happening among gay people.  Only heterosexual people and that's what made it so awful.  All those straight people were going against the "nature" God gave them.  I don't blame God for being a little pissy about that.  But oh, Lacy, I know what you're thinking now!  You picked up on that "committed abominations before me" and just know they're talking about gay people there, didn't you?  Well, if you head on off to Proverbs 6:16-19, you'll find a list of things God has His biggest issues with, and that means abominations.  "These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: 'A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, a false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.'"  I guess He just forgot to mention homosexuals.   Or do we sow discord among brethren?  Is that it?  By the way, my own thoughts many passages people deem to be anti-homosexual, it refers to people going after strange flesh.  Were those gay people, would they not be going after *same flesh?  But hey, don't mind me...I'm just pondering as I type.

Now show me where in the Bible it says that I'm immoral for treating a medical condition that causes my ovaries to have cysts all around them?

I hate to break it to you, but you aren't mentioned in the Bible, Lacy. Neither are your ovaries.  That bit of news broken, the story of Abraham and Sarah is interesting.  God controlled the fact they were unable to bear children together as evidenced by the fact the He, and He alone, then changed His mind and gave them Isaac.  And not as a result of medical interference, either. Of course, now *I'm using the Old Testament, so maybe this only applies to Jews.  Oh, and let's not forget Hannah (in Samuel, I think?) who begged God for a baby but was accused of being drunk.  That got ugly.  But in the end, it was again God, and God alone, who made the decision, based on her pleading, to give  Never is a mention made of barren women attaining medical intervention to conceive.  Nev-er.  Only God's intervention.  Now, if you really want me to make a post giving Biblical quotes showing that God is all-powerful and makes no mistakes, I will but I predict it will be more lengthy than this one.  That could be bad.

You know I can promise you one thing, you will never, ever see me post on a public blog calling my son as "asshole" and a "fucktard". Mother of the year right there. *snickers*

Ummm, the snicker has me confounded, but okay.  Good for you?  For the record, I've never claimed to be mother of the year.  In fact, I'll tell you all day long that I am not.  You know why I'm not?  Well, aside from calling my kid a fucktard, there is no real mother of the year thing.  It's pretty much just a saying and a few random internet sites have run with it.  Apparently, though, you were bothered by the fact I'll call Jake names.  I'll grant you, Lacy, we don't live a typical life, nor have I parented in a typical manner, I suppose.  Our rule is that we can call one another names in anger (or jest) to others, to vent, but never to one another's faces and never, ever do we call other people fucktards to their faces.  Oh, that would be bad.  Tacky.  If he read that I called him a fucktard, though, he'd crack up and ask what he'd done to tick me off that day.  Same with me.  It works for us.  We love each other.  And really, you don't need to promise me anything.  Heck, I don't even know you, even though you amuse me.  :-)

I do want to thank the Academy and Lacy for the opportunity to make this post.  I've enjoyed it thoroughly and can't want to see what comments it may bring.  Lacy, we might need to hire caterers and have an open bar.  Can you chip in?


Nov 6, 2009


So, today I was talking to Miss Arse and we were discussing some examples of shitty parenting that have been on the news lately. Talk turned to how all mothers have had their less-than-stellar moments. She asked me what the worst memory I have of her is. I paused because, frankly, I was thinking "Wow, there are just so many to pick from..." My mom, back then? Was not a great mom. Don't get me wrong, she loved me and she did her best, but she had a baby expecting to get her mini-me and instead, my dad got his mini-me. We clashed from day 1, literally. Not big clashes but an entire childhood of small clashes, most of which, as a mother now, I can honestly say she should have been the one to stop. She had a quick temper back then and I was slapped across the face more than once. There were hard spankings done in anger, with a paddle. There were a number of careless accidents...little finger closed in doors, cigarette burns, etc. Nothing was good enough...I can't count the times I heard "It's good but I know you can do better." Lest you think I'm painting my mom as being abusive, nothing could be further from the truth. She was, at worst, a product of her environment and I? Sorely tried her patience with a degree of stubbornness and a penchant for obnoxious mind games. It was a battle for control every step of the way. Hey, I can be honest about myself. Anyway, today, in my pause while I tried to think of one small thing I could mention and not upset her too badly, she very quietly said, "You have no idea how much better I feel that you're having trouble thinking of something. I feel like I was such an awful mother and I've worried for years that you still carried many hurts with you." And, in that one moment, everything was gone and I couldn't think of a single thing worth mentioning to her. I haven't forgotten but none of it matters now. Funny how love can wash so much away, isn't it?

Nov 5, 2009


A friend sent me this link. I swear it's true, I'm not just saying that. God, now I sound all guilty or something but whatever, I'll suck it up to share this one with everyone. Lifestyles Warm Lovin' Liquid Personal Lubricant. Big deal, we're all adults, right? Right. Well, be sure to scroll all the way down to the "Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought..." and then thank me for giving you this laugh.

Nov 3, 2009

What goes 'round? Comes 'round. Hard.

Jake just called to "see how you are." So far, he's not liking going a whole day without contact. Yay, I warped him good! As of now, they've been to a mall and bought live rats to feed to Ben's snakes, which, while he tried to remain cool, was relayed to me as being "interesting." I bet that wasn't fun, since Jake is my kid and likes rodents. Well, nice pet rodents. Oh, and Jake bought a set of studs for his labret. Man. It all sounds so exciting. Much like home, minus rat deaths. He said he'd call me tomorrow. Ha!

In reference to another "He" and in reference to a recent conversation about prayer I've been a part of, I did pray about this. I prayed for Jake to be granted the wisdom and confidence to know right from wrong and to act accordingly, even if it wasn't what I wanted him to do. I prayed for him to listen to God, even if he doesn't realize it is God speaking to him, and even if it goes against what I hope for. Time'll tell how this all goes.

Miss Arse, bless her heart, is trying to be supportive but managed to give me a hearty "Paybacks are a bitch, aren't they, Honey?" Yes, Mom, they are and thank you for pointing that out since you don't know the half of what I got into. I smoked fucking hash, Mom. I did speed. I drank a lot. I slept around. I don't really regret any of it but shut up with the "payback" thing, alright? I drink enough as it is. Don't make me me sleep around again, too. Okay, Mom? OKAY?

Nov 2, 2009

Bless her heart.

You have to listen to Mary Strey's 911 call. :-D


I suppose this post is the next edition in "things on my mind" posts. I understand going into it that I may well offend people and, yet, here I am. Let's get on with it, shall we? There is much talk, loose talk, of "heroes" in our society today. When someone fights a disease, they are called a hero. When someone is killed in the line of duty, they are called a hero. Teachers are called heroes. Firemen, policemen, doctors, nurses, military people...all called heroes. Some ports figures are called heroes. Some see Michael Jackson as a hero. Or Tiger Woods. Or Barack Obama. I am here to burst these hero bubbles.

To *me, a hero is a person who puts him/herself out there with great risk to life, limb and freedom with no thoughts of personal gain for themselves, including a salary. Don't get me wrong, I have great regard for law enforcement and, in fact, wanted to be a cop for many years. Firefighters and EMTs? Wonderful people. Military personnel? Same thing. Teachers? Way under appreciated and underpaid for what they do. But, in my book, none of these people are heroes. I won't even touch the whole celebrity thing.

A hero acts and does, with no thought to repayment or personal gain, as I said. A hero *reacts on gut instinct, wanting to do what they feel is right in order to save people. Period. They expect nothing in return...not a paycheck, not a reward, not recognition. A few heroes in my book? I'll list them but it's important to note that I can find someone to be a hero and not agree with what they've done. In fact, those may be the greatest heroes of all...those who act to save others even when it might be unpopular. So, my list of the top 10, in no particular order:

1. People who leave gang life *and mentor others who are trying to leave.
2. Adoptive parents who accept "hard to place" children as their own, with pure love.
3. Harvey Milk.
4. The late King Hussein of Jordan.
5. Jesus.
6. Neighbors/passersby who rush into burning buildings/dangerous situations to rescue people.
7. Anyone who shares willingly of what they have with the less fortunate when they don't have a lot themselves *and feels blessed to be able to do so.
8. People who kill abortion doctors because they genuinely feel those doctors are killing babies.
9. Any Hospice volunteer.
10. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Anyone have any real heroes to add?