4 whys and a dammit.

1. Why would anyone buy this? Rainbow Poops With all due respect to both my fellow homosexual people and my so-not fellow people with fecal fetishes, I'm stumped. Where would you ever use these and why in the world would you want to?

2. Yesterday, in the parking lot of The Dollar Tree, I saw an underwire from a bra. Just one. Now, look, I've worn underwires that have rebelled, coming out of their little channel and poking me in my armpit. It sucks. I've even pulled the wayward one out and gone saggy on one side until I got home and either cut the other one out or tossed the bra. But I'll be damned, I shoved the wire into a garbage can or my purse. I did not casually toss it into a parking lot. Obviously, they removed the offending wire in the parking lot. In public. Next to their car where they could have had privacy. People astound me with just the smallest things, sometimes. Why would you toss your underwire into a parking lot?

3. I was in Walmart this morning and they hire the handicapped. Cool beans for them, that's nice. I especially love the retarded ones. My favorite Walmart hires the highly functioning handicapped, the ones who have aerodynamic wheelchairs and who can clearly say, "Welcome to Walmart! Merry Christmas!" Of course, it's September but that's okay because it's cute and you can understand what they say, so you can sort of play along and feel all self-righteous and politically correct. I've always suspected they do that on purpose and aren't as slow as they let on, just so they can see who amongst the rest of us will fall for it. I think they all meet at a United Way office later, drink beer and share stories about how stupid the rest of us are...however, my retardation conspiracy theories are a whole different topic. My point is, today at a non-favorite Walmart, I wanted a new pair of terry slippers. They had a woman working (and I use that term in the broadest of senses) in the shoe department who could not speak - seriously, she only grunted - and who had to stay within a few steps of her bigass wheelchair that she left clogging up the aisle as she straightened shoes in the boxes. It gets worse. She had to have a regular shoe department employee right there with her all the time, cheerleading. "Good girl! You found the one in backwards! Yay!" Please. It wasn't Waldo, it was a shoe and it was pure luck on her part...let's not kid ourselves here. The handicapped woman got so excited by the praise that she laughed, got choked and proceeded to gag. Lovely. In the meantime, I could not get to the slippers because there were two large people, one massive wheelchair and a big ol' shoe department cart, all where my own fat ass needed to be. I figured at least $2 of my $4.97 slippers were going to pay for all this and I made the decision to just wear the flip-flops I already have, instead. Some family in China will now go without dinner for 3 weeks because of this. The "why?" here is obvious, I think.

4. I've been considering getting DirectTV. I did what I felt was the logical thing and made a list of questions, then called. The question that stumped them all? "If a hurricane comes and my dish is destroyed, will you replace it at your expense or do I have to pay for it?" One employee and two supervisors later, they still had no answers and weren't willing to put anything in writing for me. Now, look, when a person lives in a hurricane-prone area, this ought to be fairly routine and not be a hard question. Why can't they answer this?

As for my "dammit", I've got company coming in a few days and I'm not sleeping well, I'm not feeling well and I stay dog-tired. I'm afraid I'll be poor company. Maybe we can go hunting for underwires to entertain them since hunting for manatees never seems to work out. I dunno. I'm cranky.