My thoughts on abortion.

I'm been absent. It seems like I've had heavier things on my mind these last few days and they've overwhelmed the lighter things, like smell-goods and goofy neighbors. I've come to the conclusion that I need to just get them out now and I'm going to do just that in the next day or so. I'll say upfront that I have no goal here but to share *me. I don't intend or wish to offend, although I think it's entirely possible I will. I make no apologies for that. In the end, this is my blog and these are my thoughts. I am not sorry for either.

So, the very word "abortion" gets most people on edge, defensive for one side or the other, the moment they read it. I know this and I go into this with some trepidation, but also with confidence in my beliefs. A few mornings ago I received an email from a friend, a "forward" about abortion. It got me to thinking all over again about how I feel. There was a time, 10-30 years ago, that I was not only pro-choice, but pretty much pro-abortion. I never saw abortion as a birth control method, mind you, but a perfectly fine and acceptable solution to an unwanted pregnancy. I was "pro" to the point I was actually an escort and counter-activist. I will say right now that I have ZERO regrets about that...just the opposite, I'm still very proud of what I did and always will be. But, time passes and people change. I've changed. Personally, I would no longer be okay having an abortion. I pass no judgment on those who do...that is between a woman and her God. I will help her, I will support her, I will feel she made the best decision for herself. I *am pro-choice. But, I would no longer feel an abortion is an alternative for myself (pretending I'm even in a position it would be a consideration) and should Jake and his girlfriend find themselves expecting a baby, I will beat them first and then be there for them in whatever they decide. I will no longer suggest an abortion first. I will support them, though, if that is their choice as long as I'm sure they are well-informed about *all options. So, yes, I've changed and I've changed a lot.

What changed me? Well. Logic. Logic changed me. I realized how strongly I felt that all forms of IVF, infertility treatments, surrogacy, etc., are wrong. I feel so *vehemently that these all thumb their nose at God and are basically saying "God screwed up and now I have to fix his mistake." Not everyone is intended to have children and, while I believe so very strongly in God, I also believe God created Evolution, I believe God meant for only the fittest to survive and God makes no mistakes. Period. So, it followed that if I believe that some children were simply not meant to be (infertility) then I also had to believe that some *are (fertility), regardless of the circumstances of either. Like I said - logic.

Do I think infertility-curing measures are right? I do not. I find them to be immoral and offensive to God. Anti-God, even. Do I find abortion to be the same? That's a hard one for me since I do not believe life begins at conception. I don't think life begins until a person is able to take that first life-giving breath on their own and have subsequent breaths sustain that life. Late term abortion? No, no, and NO. I am not okay with that at all, although I will not call it murder. I'm not God. I do wish it didn't happen, though, and don't get it at all, nor do I wish to support it financially, just as I don't want to support infertility treatments financially. Is abortion okay to save a mother's life? A mother should be willing to sacrifice her own life for her child, whether that that child is at 8 months (viable with a minimum of medical intervention) gestation or older...no age maximum. I do not understand this stipulation: "I don't support abortion exceot in the case of incest or to save a mother's life." So, what? A bay conceived of incest is less important? Why? And why should a mother *ever not be willing to give her life for her child?

Now, let me address something else. Murder. I am sick to death of people calling abortion "murder". If you are reading this and really believe it is murder, I mean REALLY BELIEVE IT, what are you doing to stop the murder? Do you rant on blogs and message boards? Do you rant at your dining room table? Do you pray about it all in church and gossip about it with friends? All well and good but why aren't you stopping? Why aren't you killing these abortion doctors so you can save these babies from being "murdered"? Because killing is illegal? That means you put legality over morality, you know. Are you okay with that? Is that Biblical? Is that what Jesus wanted? Law over God? Don't get me wrong, I'm in no way, *no how*, advocating killing abortion doctors. Bless them for having the courage to do what they do for those who feel abortion is their best choice. But I have to ask - if you feel it is murder, why are you not stopping it? If my neighbor was killing infants in his home, you better believe I'd blow his head off in a heartbeat, even if it meant I'd spend my life in prison for doing so. What a small price to pay to save those babies. Legalities are *nothing if you believe in God and what you think God intended.

I welcome comments....they are open. They aren't moderated. Just be logical, that's all I ask.
Have at it.

Obsession confession.

I am going to share something sort of odd and insightful about myself. Yesterday, I began my Fall cleaning and organizing and let me just say that, despite what you're about to see, I am not a hoarder, I swear! Most people who know me call me a neat freak because I love cleaning and organizing closets or cabinets. I like order and structure and things all lined up. There is one part of my life that is a little out of control, though, and it's actually related to the fact I am a bit of a clean freak. I'm about to share my dirty (only really it's clean) secret with the world. Sit back and brace yourselves.

I love scents. I'm obsessive about scents. No, really, I am. See? This is my fabric softener collection. I love doing laundry and fabric softeners make me *very happy.


I love to mop, too. I have 5 mops but my favorite mop is an O-Cedar UltraMax mop. Yes, I have a favorite mop. So? Since I never know what I want my floors to smell like at any given moment, I like to have a variety of cleaners on hand.


Oh, you think the fabric softeners and floor cleaners are excessive? You've not seen anything yet. The air? Should match the floors and whatever I've softened things with. See?


In case you haven't noticed, I'm also a creature of habit and tend to take every picture I can in that one spot on my kitchen counter. I would stick Jake up there, if I could. Anyway, sometimes, when things are all nice and clean, I like to burn incense. I'm picky about it, though, and while I do like options (gee, you *think?), my favorite incense is from Moodstar. It's incense-y without being too smoky. You should try it. In multiples.


Of course, oils are nice, too. Really, really nice.


Now, I've got to stop and admit to something before I show you the next picture. It was at this point of setting things up on the counter that it really struck me that I just ain't right. *grins* No one, and I mean NO ONE, ought to be able to show what I'm about to show. Yet here it is...apparently, I like the refills for those plug in oil warmer thingies, too. A lot.


In fact, I not only like the refills, I seem to really like the warmers themselves. And yes, I *am just a little uncomfortable right now, thanks.


Oh, but my confession isn't quite done yet. I've not shown you the tarts and if I'm really going to own all this, I have to show it all. That think that looks like a bowl to the upper left? Is actually a 12" tall bamboo jar I tipped on its edge.


At this point, I was feeling a little weirded out by my own self and decided to not drag out all the candles. Just trust me, it's every bit as bad but for as weird as I know all this is, I don't plan on changing...it makes me happy and I can ignore those 3 families I could have fed for a week with the money I've spent here. Oh, in case anyone is wondering how I store my stash, much of it lives in my coffee table (this is only one side of it...lol) and no one knows my smelly little secret unless I share. Pretty sneaky, huh?


Soooo, show of hands. Who feels more sane now that you've seen this?

Oh, yeah, life goes on...

Today did not start off well in the AP household. I woke up achy and cranky and feeling all overly-sensitive. Jake woke up being a nasty little bitch. No, make that a nasty big bitch. Every damn word I said, he snapped at or rolled eyes at which, of course, made me cry. He, seeing me cry, turned nastier, which made me a despondent mess. I very, very rarely cry so I was horribly offended he didn't try to help make me feel better while he, on the other hand, apparently felt like I was doing it to try to make him feel bad. I have no idea what was wrong with either of us but it was miserable as hell. We'd planned all along to go thrift-storing so we went and didn't speak a word to each other the whole way there. Once in our first store, though, the thrill of a deal got to us both and we spent an house going through stacks of old record albums that were on sale for 50 cents each, picking 8 fairly rare ones out. By the time we said "Hey, you want this one?" to one another eleventy hundred times, we both had settled our asses down a lot and were feeling better. Once we finished at the third store, the earlier part of the day was forgotten (only not really...I hold grudges even though he'd apologized by then) in the thrill of finding 12 great albums, a (new, still with tags!) pleather jacket for him, in addition to a warm fleece jacket and two *very cool suit jackets, reminiscent of Bowie's Thin White Duke days. A couple of bottles of cold Vault and a good caffeine rush later, we had dry eyes and a civil tongue between us. Man, I hate days that start off this way, though, they exhaust me.

On the way home, we did one of our favorite things and swung out through the projects. We both have a weird fascination with 'hood life or something because we get way too much of a thrill from doing this. Today we saw a huge transvestite hooker in hot pants, a lingerie top and leg warmers. That's sort of exciting for a midday Tuesday. We saw a guy with an ankle monitoring bracelet walking blocks away to a liquor store. So much for that bracelet, huh? Of course we also saw the requisite drug dealing, but I must admit I've never seen it being done quite so openly. I wanted to idle up and tell them to be discreet. We did have to quickly leave when Jake rolled down the window and yelled "HEY! THAT'S MY BIKE!!" to some thug sitting on a bike in a parking lot. Lol...getting our asses kicked was only going to make my day worse, I figured. I know, I know. You're wondering how we stand all this excitement, aren't you?

I do question why every single time we go anywhere, we hear "Jack and Diane" on the radio. It's really unsettling.

Edited a few hours later: Can I just say that my son is a complete asshole again? So much for the good turn it all took earlier. Uggggggghhhh. Self-absorbed, arrogant, rude little fucktard. I hope he has a child just like him someday.

Hannah isn't too worried.

She knows these charges are bogus, man.
*wink wink, nudge nudge*

How ironic.

First off, let me say I'm a craigslist addict. That out of the way, about 6 months ago a woman was giving away a lot of WIC products in the "free" section. She was going on like she was some type of heroine, talking about how she gets all this free food, milk and juice she and her kids will never use and how good it makes her feel to help others with it. Well, my blood boiled. She'd listed her phone number and a Google search of *that gave me both her full name and address. I reported her ass. Yes, I did. And they enforced the rules.

Fast forward to now (well, yesterday)...I got rid of the 19" TV in my bedroom a few weeks ago and want a smaller, 13" one. My mom keeps wanting to get me a wall-mounted flatscreen one for my birthday, which I think is a foolish waste of money and have told her so. I'm fine with an old tube TV, as long as it is small. So, today on craigslist, I see a 13" TV in great condition listed for $10. I email immediately, saying I want it if it is still available. The person responds back, telling me it is mine and giving me their name and address so I can pick it up.

Guess who it is.

The message board incident.

Since several people have wanted to hear the breakdown story, I feel obligated to share. I can't promise that it won't offend anyone or that I've grown up much more since it all happened. I own my 12 year old self.

Back, oh, 10 years ago, I was a regular poster on the AOL welfare debate board. Yeah, yeah, I was on the hard-ass side and sometime I really ought to blog about my feelings on all this, but I hate pissing off people I like so I hesitate...at least until they like me so much they can get over it. *grins* Anyway, back to the story. Things would get very heated and ugly, so TOS violations were rampant and many (not me, amazingly) were down to the wire and in danger of losing their AOL accounts. Then we found heaven in the form of ACLU message boards. No TOS to worry about, no adults being babysat, we could make our own board...it was lovely. We picked our snarky selves up and headed over there to have at it. There's the background.

One poster was a young woman, early 20's, from a very wealthy family and she could positively feel the sun rising and sitting in her every day, she thought she was so special. Add to that, she was married to a man who worked for AOL and, for some weird reason, she thought that gave her power over the rest of us. Now, she and I not only took the same side in the grand debate, but we shared a name. Neither served to endear her to me and, in fact, I detested her. Whatever someone else had, she had better. If someone was sick, she was dying. No kid was as cute or smart as hers. Her family wasn't only wealthy, they were wealthy *and powerful complete with constant reminders of how we just don't know how much power they have if we happened to piss her off. This was generally followed by how her husband works for AOL and has access to all of our information (back then, remember, AOL was what pretty much everyone used, including me). This all only served to make me want to annoy her more...so, I would. I loved "altering", making up another name and posting to get people riled - boy, I really ought to state here I'm not P, Andi or anyone else but me, I swear!- and one day Little Miss Sunshine announced she and her husband were trying to have another baby. Every other thing she said, from then on, pertained to this goal and how, basically, they were trying harder than anyone else ever did. Yeah. A month passed and she was genuinely shocked and mad she wasn't pregnant. One more month passed...same thing and boy, was she ever foul. Most everyone found it amusing that, for once, she couldn't just have a Veruca Salt moment and get what she wanted. She, on the other hand, was all tizzied up mad over everything. Never one to let a good opportunity go to waste, I decided to "alter"...as her ovum. Every time she'd get nasty, I'd just post something along these lines, using the name "EggNinny":

Mama? Please don't get mad. When you get mad your tubes scrunch up and it hurts and I can't come down!

It would take 3 or 4 of these posts, all escalating into something more and more ridiculous, all from her eggs begging her to please not do this, please act nice, and she would flounce off letting us all know her husband would be finding out who was doing this and the person would pay for it. After a few days of my little game going on, she just beyond nasty one night and so, naturally, her eggs had to let their feelings be known.

MAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAA??? Please, stop, nooooooo....nooooooo.....can't breathe.....maaa........

She lost it. I mean, she went off the deep end and was posting how she was going to kill whoever was doing this in the midst of a whole lot of incoherency. I? Was highly amused, which probably wasn't nice of me but sheeeesh, it was funny and I was a stranger on a message board, for the love of God. She never came back and I found out later from a real life acquaintance of hers that the following day she was admitted for psychiatric treatment. I have to believe I played a part in that and I probably ought to feel bad but, even now, I just can't muster much guilt up and still giggle a little over it all.

If there is a Hell, I'm going, aren't I?

I'll play along.

Jeanette tagged my ass. Per her orders, I need to list 8 random things about myself. I'll do it, too, since I'm about half skeered of her!


1. I love lime. The color, the taste, the smell, even how limes look.
2. I caused someone I used to post with on a message board to have a mental breakdown once. Literally. I didn't mean to cause *that, but I was still sort of proud.
3. I have a tendency to buy and hoard certain, odd items: fabric softeners, scatter rugs, silk flowers, soft drinks, air/fabric fresheners, new toothbrushes and mops.
4. I carry a folded up dollar bill in my wallet. It's signed "Love, Daddy. 1972" When he gave it to me, he told me that as long as I kept it, I'd never be broke.
5. My car tags expired last month and I keep forgetting to get my new sticker.
6. Blue Christmas lights are my favorite.
7. I am a gun owner and an excellent shot. For years I had a concealed weapon permit and carried a Ruger .357 Magnum. I still carry it occasionally, but not legally.
8. I support the legalization of all drugs.

Okay, I have no idea who has been tagged and who hasn't, so if you read this and haven't been, please do it and let me know so I can go read!

How to cook like me.

I always get tickled seeing blogs where the professional camera comes out in the big, fancy kitchen, all so we can see how to make a sandwich. That's not cooking, that's showing off. So, today I cooked one one of my favorite comfort-food meals and cooked it in my 10 x10', stock Lowe's kitchen on my new $350 stove. Photos will be courtesy of my Kodak EasyShare and a pirated copy of a nice photo-editing program that I don't know how to work very well. Sound like fun? I think so, too.

First, let me say that I'm cheap. I hate wasting food and today's meal is going to be a chicken and vegetable curry with rice, using stuff that has been in my fridge and freezer too long. It's not gone bad, mind you...I'm too freakish about germs and bacteria to do that. It's just some food that was looking a little shop-worn. C'mon, I know I'm not the only one that lets things sit around too long and I doubt I'm the only one who figures out how to still use them, so don't look cross-eyed at me over that.

We need one packet of red curry paste (somewhat expensive in grocery stores so I buy them by the case when amazon.com has a big sale and I've got coupon codes), one can of coconut milk, one bag of frozen okra, a couple of sad looking yellow and zucchini squash and an eggplant I've had for maybe 2 weeks. We're also using (not shown yet) 2 large chicken breasts I found wadded up in a Zip-Loc bag in my freezer. Jackpot! *snickers* It's only fair to mention now, before I forget, I will wind up adding a second can of coconut milk in to this because I tend to wing it when I cook. All that being said, let's chop the veggies and chicken into chunks.



Roast the raw veggies for oooh, maybe 30 minutes. They have salt, pepper, a bit of cumin and some smoked paprika on them, so you know. No reason for that combination other than that sounded good.



At this point we're ready to put the chicken in a skillet and this is when I realized I need onions, too. I dug through the crisper and come up with these lovely gems. Man. They're sad and a little slimy, too. Ah, well...they'll be fine! *flicks the bluebird off my shoulder and proceeds on*



Now look at that...some washing, some peeling, some chopping half their tails off and hiding them under some garlic and they're now nearly new again!



Throw the onions and garlic in a pan with some olive oil. sea salt (regular would do fine but I only use sea salt for cooking), fresh ground pepper and cardamon. I love cardamon and it's such an underused spice, probably because when you buy it you can't afford to feed your family for the next 4 nights. You can pass on the cardamon, if you like. I'll never know.



This next part is crucial: Start your rice cooking too early and have yourself an energy drink while you feel all good about the fairly healthy dinner you're making.



Time to add the okra! Also, in a separate pot, combine a can of coconut milk and the entire package of curry paste, even though it says to add only a tablespoon or so. Screw them, add it all. Trust me. Heat and stir this mixture until the curry paste melts into the coconut milk, then realize you really need to add that second can of coconut milk now. Forget to take pictures of this whole procedure. At least that's how I did it.



Add that curry concoction into your skillet and it'll look a lot like this. If you really want to make it like I did, get to thinking about the fact you've fucked up your proportion of curry paste to coconut milk and add extra curry powder to what's in the skillet, just to be sure. And mind you - taste *nothing as you cook. Have enough confidence in your skills to know it will be perfect, dammit.



While the chicken/okra/curry mixture simmers, keep looking at that pot of rice you made too early and get a little irritated. The energy drink helps with this part.



In 15 minutes or so, get the roasted veggies out. They should still have a little bite to them and not be cooked to death.



That's it! Pile it on a plate, spoon the "sauce" over the whole thing (especially the rice, since it is now room temperature and gummy), artfully stick a fork in it for the picture and head for your recliner. Okay, you don't have to eat in your recliner if you don't want to...I did, though. I promise you, this tastes far, far better than it looks. It's rich, a little exotic and has some
heat to it. The heat isn't the searing kind found in jalapenos, but that subtle, warm-in-the-back-of-your-throat heat...mmmm!



PS: For those who have never seen or eaten okra that wasn't fried, I did this just for you. See those little seeds? Flavor beads. *nods*

Today.

I just felt like taking pictures today.

When I woke up, this was the little face sleeping next to me. His name is Tucker and he has bedhead.


I went to check on Miss Arse. When I asked her if she felt better, this was her response. I shall take it as a "yes". Yay for her not choking to death on snot in her sleep last night. :-)


When I came home, I spotted my new stove. I'm still sort of excited about it. I don't get out much.


I took a good look at my old fridge and wondered how much longer until it dies, too. It's 16. The answer would be "soon".


I came to get online and found Tuck and Gina in the office. I got her the same year I got that fridge. The answer would be "soon" for her, too.


As I sat here, I heard things happening in the living room. When I walked out, I found this little scene. Apparently they helped themselves to the throw and quilt. The cuteness kills me. Left to right: Tucker, Ginger and Beatrice. Ginger is 16, too. Uh-oh.


I made dinner. Want some?


Wooo, now wasn't *that exciting?

Oh, ewww...help!

Really, I mean it, I need help. I'm on my third round of damn mealy bugs in as many months. Well, I call them mealy bugs but Googling tells me I'm wrong, they're weevils or mill bugs. Maybe. Who knows. Whatever they're called, they're those little, tiny black bugs that get into flour, rice and pasta. I've cleaned my hutch out entirely each time, disinfected, thrown out anything infected and when I open a box of, say, pasta, I always store the remainder in a Zip-Loc bag. In the past, scattering bay leaves has taken care of them but not this time - they just keep on coming back, in pure defiance of my bay leaves. So, does anyone have any ideas on what I can do to prevent this from happening a 4th time? This time, they actually were inside a couple of Zip-Loc bags and I'm sort of freaked out by that. I'd appreciate any ideas...please!

Sunday afternoon miscellany.

A couple of years ago, I went on a kick of eating avocados all the time. I saved the seeds from 10 of them and did that deal where you support 'em with toothpicks in glasses of water until they sprout. Stretched along my kitchen windowsill for months were a row of crystal wineglasses, each with an avocado seed supported on top with four toothpicks. I babied those suckers. Their water got changed daily, once a week I added a drop of fertilizer, I stayed vigilant against cat-crime...I was a very good avocado seed mama. Then the day came that my babies were ready for soil. I went and bought 10 new little clay pots and a bag of premium potting soil and set to work. Oh, I just felt so accomplished. I got them all potted and lined up in a little row, envisioning a veritable overflow of avocados in a few years. And then I promptly lost interest. Every little avocado tree died right there in its new little pot, never receiving a bit of attention again. I felt guilty, once in awhile. Sometimes I'd think about them out there and how it would only take 5 minutes to go care for them. It never happened, though, and eventually I dumped everything in a garbage bag, including the pots, and tossed them out. Why do I mention this now? I was chopping an avocado a few minutes ago and decided to save the seed. As I reached for a wineglass, I had this whole ugly flashback to the Avocado Seed Incident and promptly felt awful all over again. I suspect there's a moral to this story, though, and also something very telling about me as a person. If you're reading this, you might want to give that some thought.

Oh a more positive note, I was cleaning out some old pictures and found this little gem I'd taken awhile back at Books-A-Million. Who says religion isn't fun? :-D

7 random facts.

I got tagged by Jennifer, so here goes:

1. I owned a trucking and freight brokerage company for many years with my ex-husband. We ran semis all over the continental US, in fact. I still have a CDL and can drive a semi but hope I hope I never have to again because they all smell really bad.
   
2. I do not own a cell phone. I do not want a cell phone. I hate cell phones.
   
3. I speak some Arabic and understand a lot more than I speak. I have a real love for the Middle Eastern culture, especially the food and music.
   
4. I'm a perfume junkie. This week, my favorite is Bijan Nude.
   
5. I have Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder. You will typically find my house chilly and very dark inside, as a result. I try to not go out in the daytime unless it's rainy and dark. Lol, I'm not a "light and airy" kind of person.
   
6. I'm actually a very good artist, although I rarely draw or paint anymore. In a fit of depression and anger many years ago, I destroyed all my work. My mom had a couple of pieces I forgot about and they are all that survive now. This was my version of cutting my ear off.
   
7. I collect Barbies and have over 200.

NEXT!! I'm tagging: CPTWife, Bella, Karen , and Tara

Who knew?

I saw this at Publix.
I'm going to see if I can find breast flavored chicken.