Jul 2, 2010

Saving love.

Oh, I have sorely neglected this place, haven't I? Well, I just found an email from NaBloPoMo and it made me feel bad I've been such a poor blogger.  I wish I could offer up exciting excuses, like that I've been held in a Cyprian jail cell for smuggling art or something, but alas!  I just suck and am boring to even myself.

July is a bad month for me for many, many reasons.  For the most part, though, it's because everyone I've loved the deepest has died in July.  I hate July...passionately.  As far as I'm concerned, this is the month of death and sadness. A child I loved beyond reason and words died in July.  A father I loved fiercely and who was my other me died in July.  A beautiful, kind man, one of the few truly good people in this world who I was honored to call my best friend, my brother, my family and a true love of a different kind, died in July.
I hate July.

But NaBloPoMo gave me a thump on the head and while I'm technically a day late, it's still July 1st  in Hawaii or somewhere so, aloha and let's get on with it.  The theme is "saved".  I struggled over "saved" a bit and thought about sharing some of my packrat ways but found myself thinking instead of what I have saved in my heart from those I lost.  Many things came to mind and it seemed right to share those, instead.

From the father, I have saved the lack of societal convention and acted on it in his honor.  It's okay to be different.  It's okay to embrace your "oddities" instead of fearing them  or being scared of them. It's okay to be a loner. It's okay to laugh at yourself.  It's okay to rebel. It's okay to be wrong, to apologize, to be a fallible human.

From the child, I have saved in my heart that it's okay to look different, to come from a different background, as long as you know it all comes from love.  As long as you know you came from love, were created with love, and knew unconditional love, that gives you the strength to live and die with peace and knowing it is God's will.

From the best friend, I have saved in my heart that love can come in so many different forms and just because our society doesn't acknowledge them, they are no less valid.  Real love is precious, rare, and brings many unexpected joys when not shunned just because it is different.

I have saved all the love I have been given from those who are gone.  I have known true love, given true love, lost true love, mourned for true love in all of its forms.  And I have saved all of it in my heart.  I am beyond lucky to have that.

PS:  I just saw that the writing prompt for the day is to tell what your favorite movie is.  Well, mine would be either Billy Elliot or To Sir, with Love, followed closely by The Graduate.

12 comments:

Dawn said...

Hey AP! I like your new design. I'm sorry July is such a hard month for you. The way time seems to be flying by for me, it should be August soon.

It was really nice to read the things you saved from those you loved. It made me think. It also made me run in Taylor's room and give her an extra kiss and hug. She was sleeping and I don't think she appreciated it much. *laughs*

Muliebrity said...

Goddammit! Why is everyone trying to make to cry all the time?! I hope July passes quickly for you.

KaytieJ said...

For those you love, you love fiercely and with all your heart.
You have lost so much in July but you honor them by saving the lessons of your love for and from them.

I have rewritten this so many times and now it seems so dry. And dammit, you know I cried.

We've been through many times together, good and bad and in between, dear friend. Know that you are loved.

KaytieJ said...

PS - I like your pick of movies :-)

Karen said...

Glad you are back to writing again - and I too think of what I've been given by those that I've lost and cared so much about! I don't have just one month that I remember them, but several - and the more time that passes after they are gone, I try very hard to remember them in the month that they were born, rather than died! I think you learned alot from those 3 that you wrote about - important lessons in life that some never learn!! I hope that this July the good memories out-weigh the bad!! And I'm glad you are writing again....

kristin said...

I am glad to know you! You really are an awesome person and it is refreshing to *hear your words.

I hope things get better for you and that July passes quickly.

佩怡佩怡佩怡 said...

向著星球長驅直進的人,反比踟躕在峽路上的人,更容易達到目的。............................................................

于倫 said...

Words are not living in dictionary. Words are living in mind...................................................................

French Teacher said...

Ola, from Portugal! Will send postcards soon, am going on first excursion tomorrow morning to Porto and Guimaraes, kids are stoked. Weather could be better but nice weather for sightseeing, weºve been to the beach already but nicer weather would make it better,right? HOpe youºre having a good summer, and being good, gotta run still have to pack a bag for tomorrow but trying to post on a few blogs before I do! Will hopefully get some more time next week to chat some more, take care,talk to you later!!

JasonBirk佳琪 said...

在你一無所有的時候 是誰在陪伴你 他便是你最重要的人............................................................

宥妃宥妃 said...

一個人的際遇在第一次總是最深刻的,有時候甚至會讓人的心變成永遠的絕緣。............................................................

趙筱婷terrifields汪華昕 said...

來看你了~心在、愛在、牽掛在,幸福才會繁衍不息^^..................................................